About The Author:
Karen L. Procelli has taught children
with varying degrees of learning, mental and emotional
disabilities. Originally from Long Island, New York, she
now resides in Wellington, Florida, with her husband and two
daughters. She has been teaching in the Palm Beach County
School District for ten years, specializing in the
emotionally handicapped population. Karen is proud to be an
advocate for her students and takes pride in her structured
program. She achieves a high degree of discipline from her
students within a loving environment.
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Parents, take a few moments to honestly reflect on your
relationship with your child. Are you the parent? Or, are
you allowing your child to parent YOU? Relating to our
children today is extremely complex. Our good intentions
sometimes cloud our vision so we are unable to discipline
appropriately. What is appropriately? That is best to be
answered by you. However, we should mark appropriately
somewhere in the center of the extremes of being too severe,
or, too lenient. I like to think of appropriate discipline
as being FAIR, FIRM and CONSISTENT.
BE FAIR
Being fair is sometimes difficult, especially when your own
emotions are bubbling over from the situation at hand.
Nevertheless, remember you are the adult, not the child. You
must try to be impartial and give your child a chance to
gain recognition in a positive way. Do not back your child
into a corner. Weigh all factors and try to discipline
fairly and once again appropriately. Is it fair to ground
your teenager for a month if he/she does not comply with
keeping a neat room? Be realistic and prioritize what is
really a problem and what is a very real irritation.
Consequent the real problems and try other creative
parenting skills to work on the less severe issues. Notice,
I did not say, "less annoying issues". A messy bedroom can
certainly aggravate a parent, however, think of the fairness
of your consequence, as well as the effectiveness. A
consequence needs to be immediate. Retracting another
privilege, such as the phone, until the room is cleaned is
fair and immediate and no doubt you will see results. Every
child responds to something! It is your job, as the parent,
to find out what that something is.
What is important in a child's life usually works well as
the motivator for rewards or consequences. Focus heavily on
rewards whenever you catch good behavior. It is by far
easier and more pleasurable than the consequences. Simple
recognition and words of praise are the positive rewards
that children thrive on at all ages. In your ongoing
efforts to maintain fairness recognize that we all have
behaviors to improve. It is unfair to expect perfection
since we all make mistakes. The idea is to learn from those
mistakes and to strive towards being the best you can
be.
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BE FIRM
Being firm does not mean you have to have a shouting match.
The most mild-mannered, controlled individuals have the
ability to demonstrate firmness in their actions. Firm
simply means that you are the adult and you have spoken. Use
your voice to your advantage. Never try to talk over your
child. Wait until you have full attention. Project your
voice, but keep it calm. You and your child should discuss
what transpired, however, you must hold firm in what you
state. Never threaten your child. Let it be known exactly
where you stand and then act on it. Always follow through
with what you tell your child. In your firmness be sure to
reinforce your love by rejecting the child's behavior, but
never the child. It is important not to tear down any
individual's self-worth. Do not ridicule your child, but
rather teach. Firmness means no deals. Making deals to
gain control is inevitably ineffective. Children should not
govern themselves. Allow them ample opportunity to make
decisions, however, step in with a firm decision when the
situation calls for action. Do not be afraid to stand your
ground- to parent. Your child will respect you for this.
BE CONSISTENT
If behavior is considered unacceptable one day this same
behavior must be unacceptable everyday. If you allow your
child to use profanity in your home, don't consequent
him/her for using it in school. What's right is right and
what's wrong is wrong across the board. This eliminates
mounds of confusion. There are days when we are more, or
less, tolerant than others. Of course we are only human and
we do waver. Try not to impose your adult mood swings on
your child. That brings you back to FAIRNESS!
Parenting is a skill that needs nurturing. There are
numerous magazines, books, parent-related organizations, and
school or community support groups that are available.
Parenting can be exhausting; however, it is the most
gratifying of roles you will ever experience in your
lifetime. So, buckle up and enjoy the
ride!
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